Bits and Bytes, Repraise

There is a candy jar on one of my colleagues desks. It is a new addition to our newsroom and the center of a great deal of talk among my fellow LJs. We contemplate the contents as though analyzing a complicated police report. No one likes the red ones, but everyone LOVES the pink ones. We squabble for the last one. On top of the candy jar is a sticky note. It reads: Yield to Temptation. We do. Regularly.

While board the other day, two of my fellow Lesser Journalists decided to check out the state sex offender website. They were looking for the hottest chick. First of all, the sex offender website doesn't have a whole lot of women. Second, most are hideous. They were successful after trying out this municipality and that city. They found two "winners" in one of the hip towns. These two board LJs contemplated putting together a "Chicks of the Sex Offenders List" calendar. Oh my. I just marveled at how many people on the list smiled for their mug shot. I would not be smiling if that were me.

Speaking of mug shots, we keep a collection of classic mugshots. Updated regularly. We can't help ourselves. Some of them are just too good to pass up. The dude with the broken nose and crazy eyeball. The sex offender trying to look pathetic and innocent. (Someone drew a quote bubble over his head saying, "Love me . . .") We also collect classic headlines and crazy obits. Some poor dude died last week who's name was "Harry Knipple." How sad.

A bad thunderstorm hit today. We worried (OK, just me) about a tornado. Take cover would have sent us to the basement. "All we have down there is rubber duckies," my editor said. "Wha'?" asked one of the newer LJs. Yes. Rubber Duckies. We have 3,000 of them for some kind of charity function that takes place every year.

This past week I called a lady for one of my stories. After I rattled on for a bit about the story and started to interview her, she interrupted me. "Can I call you back? I'm in the bathtub." Noooo Problem. It reminded me of a phone call I made years ago. I don't even know what it was about, but when the woman answered, it was quite obvious that she was in the middle of having sex. As I giggled over bathtub lady I revealed the phone sex story as well. Our sports guy can't stop laughing over it. Even days later he's insisting that I tell the story to other LJs who weren't in the room for the original story.

Today we somehow got on the subject of high school crushes of actors, singers and other famous people. It is hilarious to hear the young kids say, "When I was in school all the girls LOVED Orlando Bloom." He was famous like two weeks ago, right? One girl said she had a huge thing for Dean Cain who played Clark Kent/Superman in the 1990s TV show. She became an LJ because she just loved Clark. When one of the other LJs came back from being out I admitted in code that I felt the same way. "Who are you talking about?" I wouldn't tell him. It's her business. "You just messed with the wrong cat," he said, slightly hurt. I wasn't trying to be mean. Later, guiltily, I admitted that she and I were talking about Superman. "Oh, I already know." As the afternoon wore on we learned that two other LJs - operating independently - emailed him the truth. Then I fessed up, too. "Look at us! We're reporters and we can't keep a secret!" I hollered. "Well he said he was a bad kitty!" one called back. Wrong cat. Not, bad kitty.

Just another day in the newsroom.

TARB